My God
by Stephfunky
Summary: Hidan is faithful to his religion and he loves his god - literally. Slash/Yaoi, X-over Naruto/Hp, Cross-gen pairing, Dark!Harry, and cross series pairing.
1. Chapter 1

**Rated T for Yaoi, Sexual Situations (eventually), Violence, and Hidan's Pottymouthedness.**

Thick and dark, the red liquid swirled and swayed with Harry's faint movements as he stared down into his cup – trying his best to ignore Hermione's preaching. She paused for breath – for once chancing a glance around the dining room turned Order meeting place. Dark eyes caught on Harry's untouched drink and she gasped dramatically.

"_Harry_," Hermione hissed, sounding scandalized – but then again when wasn't she scandalized these days? "Is that –"

"It's hot chocolate Hermione."

She sniffed, slightly ashamed of her mishap - not because she may have insulted Harry, but rather because she had been wrong. "It looks awfully like…"

"It's not," Harry interrupted smoothly, taking a sip from his austere white cup to drive the point home.

"I know!" Hermione snapped, crossing her arms over her recently ample chest. "It's just that you've been acting so bizarre these past months and I wouldn't really be surprised at this point if that was _blood_."

"I'm tired and bored," Harry cut across, leeching warmth from his cup and ignoring Hermione steadfastly.

The brunet girl looked angry and hurt, as did many of the other order members, at his careless disregard for her comments and the so-called 'important' information that had been exchanged over the past hour. Harry paid their expressions no mind, feeling far older than all the others crowding the room despite the fact that he was indeed easily the _youngest._

"Voldemort cannot be killed here. A wizard draws his magic from the world around him – not from inside. If I'm to be expected to kill him – we must go somewhere without magic."

Snape sneered, the expression turning his unpleasant features more bearable – as if his face was made solely for the purpose of sneering. "How would a child know such a thing?"

Harry flicked green eyes up to look at them, already knowing what their answer would be to his next statement. "It has been whispered in my ears," The young brunet muttered, again playing with his drink as the whispering voices grew louder – as if they knew they were being spoken of. "By the dead."

The reaction was delayed, if only by shock. Funny, Harry thought, that they seemed to always become shocked when he mentioned his more unsavory talents although he had mentioned and demonstrated them several times over the past few months. The reaction came nonetheless, seeming far more violent to his ears than those passed - likely due to his anemic state today. Molly was first, followed closely by Tonks, and then Hermione. All three gasped and displayed various expression of heartbreak, turning to their nearest respective Weasley male for support. All three shrugged, neigh simultaneously, and Harry likely would have found it funny had it not been under such glum circumstances. Snape sneered, Dumbledore frowned, and all the nameless others either gasped or glared – depending solely on the amount of 'affection' they held for him.

"Harry," Dumbledore spoke, his voice grave and rough with stress. "I believe it best you not discuss such upsetting matters."

Harry drank deeply from his cup, neither acknowledging nor agreeing to the elderly man's statement. "We can't defeat Voldemort here, not with how this world is constructed. We have to take him somewhere without magic – somewhere he can't access his core."

"If we did such a thing you and any other fool who followed you would be defenseless as well!" The dour potions master snapped, feeling superior.

"Not I, not with my talent with upsetting matters."

The room fell silent and Harry smiled slightly at the silence, sipping his drink. He half wanted to add on a sarcastic 'Unless Voldemort is talented with upsetting matters as well?', but he refrained – feeling that he'd likely upset many of the older members more than their hearts could handle. Although, wouldn't that just stick it in their gills? If they died and as a result became a key part of his 'upsetting matters' they so hated. After all, what was a necromancer without his corpses? Harry smiled – making sure to keep it small enough to be hidden by the wide rim of his cup.

Snape's foul expression grew more foul – signaling that he was, as always, to first to see the logic behind Harry's argument and was once again angered at the fact that the brat had been proven correct by his logic. Slowly, all the others transformed their revolted expressions to acquiescence and then finally Dumbledore cleared his throat and spoke. "I do not know of a spell that would send being to another dimension."

"I do."

Hermione burst out from Charlie's comforting arms, leaning as close to Harry as the table between them would allow – fat tears running tracks through her slightly too heavy foundation. "And I suppose that these… these… _dead people_ told you about that too?" Brown hair stuck to Hermione's moist cheeks as she stared pleadingly at the top of Harry's bowed head. She licked her lips and leaned further over the table – laying on it now in her desperation to get him to listen. "You can't listen to them Harry! They just want you to be overcome b y this power so that you will bring them back. They just want to hurt you!"

Some of the voices purred their agreement along with encouragement to do as the girl stated they wanted and bring them back. More still – the majority by far – however screamed their disagreement, a handful of voice in particular singing louder than the others. "I assure you, Hermione, Sirius and Remus – my parents even – do not wish me harm." The mentioned agreed loudly although none could hear their cheers but Harry.

A slow lump worked its way down Hermione's throat as she stared at him in silence. Finally, she stood and swept at her plaid skirt as if she had never lost her composure. "This isn't right Harry. These _things_ you can do – they are wrong. It's unnatural."

Harry met her eyes for the first time in weeks, emerald eyes unblemished by pupils meeting startled tree bark brown. "I couldn't agree more Hermione."

Again, the room fell silent –this time feeling more awkward than ever before. Harry could feel it – the worry, the anger, the confusion, and the constant weight of every being that had ever died all screaming in his abused ears bearing down on his already weak body like the too heavy weight of the air on a stormy day.

"Who do you want to accompany you?" Dumbledore queried – again breaking the silence.

The young man shook his head, wild locks flying out in all directions. "I'm going alone – I won't be able to come back."

"Why!?" Molly cried in shock.

Hermione – quick as ever – gasped as she noticed Harry's hint. "It's a spell." She whispered, leaning heavily against Charlie. "He's going to use magic to take himself and Voldemort somewhere without magic which means he would not be able to do the spell again to bring him back."

Nodding like Remus was often want to do in his days of life, Harry kept his eyes down – knowing without an ounce of doubt that very few of his self-proclaimed friends were truly disappointed by such a notion. Hermione – despite all the changes she gone through since Ron's death – was one of the few who **did** care, and for that she still held his affection.

Dumbledore nodded slowly, granting his acceptance of Harry's plan without a word. The boy stood, setting his now empty cup on the table and turning to leave. Pausing very briefly at the door, Harry chanced a glance at those in the room behind him. He gave a short, emotionless nod – the only goodbye he would be giving - before continuing through into the hall. Even after all that had happened between him and the rest of the order, friends and enemies alike, he couldn't bring himself to actually say his farewell. Harry knew many of them would not miss him, nor he they, but those people had still been his first family and that alone made it far too painful to speak a word of goodbye. Pausing only to don a dark brown cloak, Harry headed out into the far too sunny day to find, kill, and possibly be killed by Voldemort.

The journey to where Harry knew Voldemort's current stronghold to be (an outwardly small hovel on the outskirts the more beaten and worn sector of London) was surprisingly short – considering that it was more or less a death march. He tapped gently on the door as to not knock it in, all the while feeling bizarrely domestic. Taking the momentary pause before answer to ready himself, Harry slung the heavy folds of his cloak over his shoulders and unbuttoned nearly all of the buttons on his shirt to reveal a sinister looking tattoo spanning over his entire chest. He gathered his magic to prepare for the spell, watching out of the corner of his eye in fascination as the dark swirling tattoo seemed to eat the light around it. Harry took the chance to mutter a final goodbye to the voices- knowing all too well that this would be the last time he heard this particular set. The door swung open, Harry looked up to red eyes, and a wand tip was immediately leveled at his lightening scar.

* * *

"This is fucking bullshit!"

Kakazu said nothing, choosing instead to continue forward – all the while ignoring his very loud companion as best he could.

"Why the fuck do we get all these crap ass missions? Walk all the way to bum fucking Suna to kill a five year old? A fucking five year old!? What the hell are we? Fucking genin!?"

Glowing yellow eyes narrowed slightly, but the masked nin otherwise ignoring Hidan's violent rant. Hidan didn't seemed to mind – as long as he was yelling at _someone_ the silver haired man apparently didn't care.

Hidan glared at nothing in particular – letting loose a random string of curses as he continued forward through that fucking hot ass sand that kept getting in his fucking shoes. As a rule, he tried not to complain about a mission while still on said mission. Now, however, that the fucking child was dead he felt he had every right to curse to the dumbass leader to hell and back for making him do such a pointless mission. And he hated fucking Suna! Why couldn't he have sent that dumb fuck blond girly man? He, at least, could have flown on the back of one of his stupid birds. Hidan swung his scythe out in anger, forcing Kakazu to duck. The stitched man threw an instantaneously ignored glare in his direction before turning back to face their path and promptly stopping.

Otherwise preoccupied by his cursing, Hidan did not notice his partner's pause until he had rammed right into the taller man's back.

"Watch where the fuck you're going dumbass!" He shouted, giving Kakazu a cursory hit on the back. Said man narrowed his eyes further and grasped the wide-open collar of his cloak, violently jerking Hidan forward so he stood to Kakazu's left before pointing a patchwork hand at a strange thing in the sky above. Hidan eyed the dark swirling mass of clouds in the sky, raising a hand to his eyes to block the sun.

His violet eyes narrowed and he leaned forward – using his scythe as a crutch. "What in the fuck is that shit?" Kakazu went to answer – likely, Hidan thought, with yet another fucking brilliant allusion to the connection between frequent cursing and a sever lacking of intelligence – but was thankfully given pause when the black thing gave a great sputtering noise (rather like it was fighting against something) before spitting out a man onto the ground a few paces ahead of them. The man thing rose, glaring at the sky above and gripping a stick like a lifeline as his blood red eyes diligently followed the swirl of the dark clouds above. The man was tall – taller even than the impressively vertically gifted Kakazu – and rail thin with features that violently reminded Hidan of Orochimaru. This man – like the snake sanin – had the same too pale to be human skin, the same snake shaped eyes, and the same extremely small (or in this man's case, extremely nonexistent) nose. He was so blaringly bald that the sun glinted off the curve his skull and he was dressed in wispy, light looking black clothes that matched in color so well that Hidan couldn't tell where one garment ended and the next began.

"What the fuck?"

The man chanced a look at Hidan and Kakazu at the silver haired man's statement, red eyes zoning in on Hidan's scythe before snapping his gaze back to the clouds as they yet again sputtered. Another figure was spit out, falling rapidly to the earth below. Just before the small form would have crashed painfully into the sand as his predecessor had the sands shifted and from their depths emerged thousands of human and animal limbs all in various states of decomposition – reaching upward to form an almost throne like landing place for their master. The reached eagerly to capture the darkly clothed figure – who was revealed to be a young and small man- catching and cradling him as if he were a beloved treasure.

The second man rose elegantly from his makeshift throne, walking towards the snake man swiftly with the limbs following through the sand and grasping gently at the edges of his person. Hidan stared. This second man was as different as he could be from the first. This one was very small in stature with a slender girlish figure, but with an aura of power that made him seem far larger than he was. Wildly curly ear length black hair surrounded the younger (and frankly far more attractive) man's face like the mane of a lion, his stunningly green cat like eyes further promoting the lion-esc impression. Through the open front of a white shirt and wide-open cloak, Hidan could see an impressive vine like tattoo swirling across the young man's chest – the center of which was a point down triangle surrounded by a circle.

Kakazu mentally paused, eyes drifting down to Hidan's rosemary, adorned by the same geometric symbol then back to the young man. Now that the yellow-eyed man actually looked closely, there was something rather _inhuman_ about the boy. His skin was pale and glowing while both his hair and tattoo were so deep a black that they seemingly consumed to light around them. Said boy – who was now within arm's length of both the akatsuki pair and the snake man – reached over suddenly, easily snatching Hidan's scythe away and yielding it with both a strength and grace unexpected from him.

Snake man took a step back, raising his stick, and yelling some gibberish – looking rather shocked when nothing happened. The second newcomer grinned a dark, terrifying smile that sent a chill down even Kakazu's spine before spinning the scythe expertly and slicing through snake man's middle without pause. The severed halves of snake man fell into the waiting grasp of the rotting limbs, which made quick work of pulling both the man's body and every grain of blood stained sand to whence they came. There was no trace of the man left behind.

The remaining man turned to face them, offering Hidan his scythe back. The silver haired nin stared, eyes flicking from the corpse hands still licking like an excited puppy at the boy's feet to his beautiful, other worldly features before finally settling on the tattoo. He gripping the long chain of his rosary tightly, eyes focused on the tattoo for a moment or two before a look of surprised understanding flooded his eyes.

Hidan knew, at that moment, just who this man was. He was sure that there simply was not any other explanation. The strange entrance from the heavens themselves, the tattoo prominently featuring Jasin's mark, the boy's skill with Hidan's own scythe – a weapon that only dedicated Jashinists had ever mastered, and even the youth's startling beauty: it all pointed at a single conclusion.

"Holly fucking hell," Hidan muttered softly before promptly dropping to his knees in as respectful a bow as he could manage. "Great God Jashin," he announced to both the started boy and completely flabbergasted bystander Kakazu had become. "I am at your beck and call."

The newcomer stared, pupil-less green eyes blinking slowly in incomprehension. The hands reached at Hidan, gripping his cloak gently and pulling – not trying to pull him under but rather like they were encouraging him.

"Um, what?"

**A.N. Okie dokie, as I'm sure you probably noticed - this fic is going to be far darker and far more serious than most of my other work. Also, this Harry is a bit different from my usual one - but he sorta had to be. He'll still be sweet and caring and all that fluffy crap, but he also needed to have a rougher, darker edge in order to work in a pairing with Hidan. BTW, in case it isn't obvious yet this will be a Harry/Hidan in which Harry is the uke. I know all my poor faithful readers must be uber pissed with me right now - and I'm sorry! I swear updates of both Screwed and Kittens are on their way I just could not resist the bunny! I don't know if I'll continue this - I guess it depends on your feedback I just... the bunny! The bunny... and the bunny... yeah. *whimpers in a corner* Also, please take a look at my other new fic - Sing Me A Song Little Nightingale. To help promote it, the first person to leave me a review on that story that figures out what x-over I'm alluding to gets the one-shot of their choice... within reason. Anyone who asks for SakuNaru or SakuSasu will be shot... survivors will be shot again. Anywho - tell me what you think! ^.^ **


	2. Chapter 2

Harry turned his gaze to the silver haired man's companion, confusion evident. The second man neither moved nor spoke, choosing instead to stare at him with startling yellow eyes – his expression completely blank.

"Ah… excuse me but I didn't really understand that. Um, do you speak English?"

Hidan glanced up, his brow scrunched.

"I'll take that as a no." Harry dropped his head so he was staring at the eager, limbs of the whispering bodies just below the surface of the sand. This place – where ever it was – must have been at war for some time to have so many dead.

"Jashin-sama?"

Harry glanced through his fringe, finding the silver haired man staring at him. That was the second time that word was used in association with him. Did... did this man perhaps think that was his name? The dark haired man dropped to his knees as well so that he was eye to eye with the other.

"Harry." He corrected, placing his hands against his own bare chest.

"Hari?"

"Ah, close enough I guess," Harry muttered, leaning back to sit on his heels and look out over the desert. It was exceptionally hot here, but for whatever reason it seemed as if the heat was coming from below rather than from the sun. He turned his gaze back to his two companions; one of which was still bowing to him. Rising steadily to his feet, Harry considered the silver haired man before crouching slightly to offer him a hand. The man looked incredibly grateful, and for one bright and shining moment Harry thought that this language barrier he'd run into wouldn't be too hard to overcome. Then the kneeling man kissed his hand.

"Ah!" Harry pulled his hand back sharply, looking at anything but the man. "Jesus fucking Christ, I should have thought ahead on this one. Damn it!" He grumbled, hitting his forehead roughly a few times before glancing back at the other men. The silver haired one, was bowing even lower than before all the while half yelling in some language that reminded Harry of the old kung fu movies that Sirius had loved.

Harry leaned down again, this time taking the man's hand in his own and pulling him (albeit a tad harshly, due to frustration more than anything else) up to his feet. Letting out a long huff of breath, Harry looked the two over quickly before waving a hand in their direction. "Names?" He asked slowly, not entirely sure why he did it as he knew without a shadow of a doubt that slower or louder would not help them understand.

The other man, who up until now had been so quiet that he might as well not have been there, spoke, pressing his stitched together hand to his chest in imitation of Harry's earlier action. "Kakazu."

"Kakazu," he parroted with a nod of understanding before shifting his gaze to the other. The man stared at him in a mixed look of worship and amazement, keeping perfectly silent.

"Ah..." Harry ran a hand through his already wild hair, a habit he apparently inherited from his father, before sighing. "My name is Harry." He spoke, again slowly, pressing his hands against his chest once more. "What is your name?" He turned his hands to gesture at the unidentified man.

"Hidan," he replied breathily, still looking terribly excited.

Harry threw his hands up in victory, for some reason causing Hidan and Kakazu both to flinch although Kakazu's was less pronounced. Awkwardly lowering his hands, Harry gulped and smiled apologetically.

Silence fell about them, interrupted only by the whispers of the dead – none of which Harry could understand either. There was a bright side to everything apparently.

"_Stupid fucking humans, stepping on my tail…_"

And getting brighter. Harry snapped his head towards the hissing, taking a few steps in the direction.

"_Come on children, let us go somewhere without those ignorant bastards around."_

Harry smiled slightly, calling out with a hand cupped around his mouth. "_You really shouldn't curse like that with children about."_

Kakazu and Hidan stiffened at the sibilant sounds of parseltongue, but Harry ignored it in favor of scouring the distant horizon for the snakes he could hear.

_"Look, more fucking humans momma!"_

_"Don't say fucking!"_

Harry laughed lightly before kneeling down to scoop up the female snake and her three young. He placed the three babies on his neck carefully before holding the mother up to look her in the eyes.

_"Put us down or so help me Jashin I will eat you alive!"_

Harry tilted his head to the side, glancing out of the corner of his eye at the star-struck Hidan. "_Who is Jashin anyway? Hidan's called me that two or three times already."_

_"Holy shit! You're a speaker!? But… but… there hasn't been a speaker here for centuries. Not even the Snake sanin Orochimaru is a speaker!"_

_"I am. Who is Jashin though?"_

The snake, a pretty dark brown sidewinder looked him over before giving a slight nod, apparently satisfied with what she found. "_You are not from here."_

_"No, how did you know?"_

_"You taste different for one, and if you were from here you'd have been able to ask the silver man who Jashin was yourself."_

_"That rotting hands weren't a hint?_" Harry asked with a self-deprecating smirk.

"_While I have never seen anything quite like that it wouldn't be too out of place here. The humans here are all very strange. Your silver one is indestructible, you can cut him into as many piece as you want and still he will survive."_

"_Really,"_ Harry murmured, looking over at Hidan. The silver haired man looked awestruck. _"Why does he keep looking at me like that?"_

_"He thinks you are his God, Jashin, the god of Death."_

_"He thinks I'm a god!? I have to go set him straight!"_

_"How?"_

_"Hm?"_

_"How?"_ The snake repeated, watching him curiously. Her three hatchlings were enjoying the comfortable heat of the skin of his neck, pressing themselves against him and hissing happily. _"You cannot speak his language."_

"_Can you?"_

_"No, but there is one snake I know of that can. You can only summon him if you have signed the contract though. You will have to find the snake sanin-"_

_"Orochimaru, right?"_

_"Yes, find Orochimaru and talk him into allowing you to sign the scroll."_

_"Hm… thank you my dear."_ Harry said, setting the snake and her whining offspring down. _"Remember to watch your tongue."_ She gave a wordless hiss and without looking back led her children away. Harry watched her for a moment before turning and walking back to Kakazu and Hidan.

Harry considered them bother before saying, "I need to find Orochimaru."

A spark of understanding lit Hidan's violet eyes. "Orochimaru?" After receiving Harry's nod, Hidan gave his companion a stern look. Kakazu glared, but nodded as he apparently accepted the message in the look, although it had been totally lost on Harry. The bundled, taller man shot Hidan one last glare before turning about face and gesturing the others to follow. Harry took one last look around before doing just that with Hidan following close (but still a respectable distance) behind.

It wasn't until this moment, as he looked out over the miles of sand surrounding them, that Harry noticed it. Their three shadows followed in tandem: the obscenely taller leader, Kakazu; the slight figure constantly followed by rotting limbs, Harry; and the tall and powerful figure armed with a wicked scythe, Hidan. Harry let out a long breath through his nose, giving the shadows a dark look as he buttoned his shirt and closed his cloak thus driving the limbs away psychically although he could still hear their voices. Both of his companions were at least a foot taller than him.

Damn it.

**A.N. **Hello lovies! In honor of my 18th b-day (which was the 14th) I will be updating every single story I have posted here with in the next week! I will also be uploading a few new ones from my monster list of bunnies - chosen for you by my new betaKanika Keket, who rocks for editing this and for shifting through all my insane ideas. ^.^ I hope you all enjoy!


	3. Chapter 3

**A.N: Oh look it lives! More note after the chapter.**

* * *

He was within touching distance. The gorgeous, gorgeous, far too beautiful god was within touching distance. If Hidan were different, less dedicated or perhaps less respectful of his god, he could reach out and touch the flesh of the beautiful creature. Red tinted shadows splashed across the petite form like blood splatters against the pale snow that was his god's skin _beautiful, beautiful, so beautiful_, dark mussy hair falling into downcast eyes. Jashin-sama was so close it nearly hurt, just across the small fire pit Hidan had insisted on building. All he had to do was reach through the flame and he would be touching _touching_ the god before him. The fire would burn his flesh but it wasn't as if he wouldn't heal and even if he didn't, even if it permanently marred his flesh, Hidan had no doubt whatsoever that he would do anything for his god. His god that was within touching distance.

Hidan's hand rose, unbidden. Green eyes panned swiftly to him and the silver haired man dropped his hand with wide eyes, staring unfaltering at his god for half a minute before his senses came to him (perhaps more accurately his inner self broke from the green _green __**green**_ induced haze and screamed at him to fucking remember his place, he was the follower far beneath his beloved god and he did not have the fucking right to look the gorgeous, intoxicating, within touching distance being in the eyes) and he dropped his gaze to his own hands, clenching sporadically on the handle of his scythe. He stroked a small patch near his right hand with his thumb, his mind indistinctly screaming about how his god had touched it, used **his **scythe to vanquish an enemy. He swallowed hard and glanced up once his composure had been reestablished to see Jashin-sama watching his carefully through too long, messy fringe.

The smaller being (Jashin-sama was not, after all a man, he could never be lowered to the same standard as trash such as himself and the fucking too tall bastard Kakazu) said nothing, not that it would've mattered if he had since Hidan was too much of a fucking worthless dumb-ass to understand his god's otherworldly language, choosing simply to watch him intently. The god studied him quietly and it took all Hidan had not to look away or begin groveling, both of which were valid options but did not seem quite right at the moment. A small smile was offered to him, the dark haired being looking a little awkward and unsure. Hidan melted. Like fucking melted into a pile of silvery goo as fast as a pre-teen genin bitch meeting one of the Uchiha brothers for the first time.

"You're on fire idiot."

And motherfucking Kakazu, fucking asshole, ruins his moment.

Hidan charged to his feet, hitting his left wrist (which was, in fact, on fire but that was besides the point) against his hip several times to stifle the flame. The flesh was burned to an unattractive dark pinkish red and looked glossy with bits of crispy flesh and fabric embedded into the wound. And it hurt. Like a fucking lot. The silver haired ninja clenched his teeth and fist, a twisted grin marring his features as he relished the sharp sting of pain for half a second before refocusing on his idiot of a motherfucking partner.

"You fucking asshole licker!"

Kakazu arched a lone not quite brow but did not respond verbally.

"You dipshit dumbass!"

"I'm not the one who set himself on fire," the taller man supplemented, with a carefully placed careless shrug that he specifically designed to piss the fuck outta him – Hidan knew it!

"Shit eating ass muncher!"

The stitched assassin was completely unimpressed.

"Fucking sadistic pussy bitch!" Hidan yelled, loud enough to scare away a handful of pussy ass woodland creatures nearby. Kakazu remained unmoved and it infuriated the irate silver haired man further. He narrowed his eyes, considering his chosen enemy before exploding in a wave of noise and flapping arms. "Get fucking angry you asshole!"

The very edge of Kakazu's joined lips hitched in the ghost of a depreciating smirk.

Hidan froze, arms raised, and narrowed his eyes to near slits. "You motherfucker-" He would have pounced to attack, sparking yet another in a very long line of psychical fights between the two of them (the fucking ponce just pissed him the fuck off with his blank fucking stare, fucking asshole) were it not for a hand laid gently but with enough force to restrain him on his burnt arm, just above the injury.

Jashin-sama was touching him.

* * *

Harry sighed mentally, watching silently from across their makeshift camp ground as Hidan raised a ruckus for reasons that he was pretty sure wouldn't make sense, even if he could understand what was being said. In the very least, the dark haired man was entirely positive that Hidan was cursing. No one said 'Hey, lovely weather isn't it? I'm really partial to this time of day too~' with that much forceful anger.

He could really use a nice cup of hot chocolate right about now. The sigh was aloud this time, as Harry found it far too tasking to actually bother withholding it. The only one who would have cared to notice if he was sighing like an overly dramatic 14 year old emo anyway was the strangely - and mildly disturbingly, if Harry was truthful with himself – attentive silver haired man and he was far too ensconced in his rather one sided verbal sparring to notice.

How long had it been since he'd had a bit of chocolate, or even something remotely sweet? Harry had spied a thicket of honeysuckles from the corner of his eye not long after the sea of sand had slowly begun to meld into the dense forest they now inhabited, but he had resisted their siren song of little dots of sweetness in favor of at least trying to maintain a vaguely adult image. He certainly wasn't happy with Hidan's current assumption of his god status, which he had yet to understand that logical leap of faith from human to god, but that didn't mean he wanted to be seen as a child either. Children weren't listened to. Ever. They were simply guided and manipulated. He's learned that early on and now that he was old enough to be freed those particular tethers of youth he wasn't particularly keen on having them slapped back on.

But god what he wouldn't do for some hot chocolate right now.

Harry flicked his gaze over to the still yelling Hidan, briefly and halfheartedly considering frisking the obviously elder (if not mentally) man to try and find some manner of sweet. A scent, rather akin to the burning of rancid poultry, tickled at the necromancer's noise causing him to immediately frown. His mind instantly drew up the identity of the scent, it was the smell of burnt human flesh.

Hidan's left arm was burned, from the middle of the back of his hand all the way up to his mid forearm. The injury itself was nasty, with large patches of rotted looking black flesh and fabric burned into wound indicating that it was likely a third degree burn, in the least a second degree. Harry pulled a face at the mental image of the infection surely spawning in the burn as Hidan left it entirely untreated in favor of screaming obscenities. He snorted, remembering a time when his so called friends had told him that he needed to resort his priorities.

After pausing to crack his sore back, Harry moved to Hidan's side just in time to stop the man from further agitating his injury by getting into a fist fight. Perhaps helping to treat the man will show him that Harry was no more a god then he was a banana.

Judging by the look of what could only be called obsessive hero worship however, Harry severely doubted his half backed plan would actually succeed.

Still, he maintained his firm hold on the man's arm, using it to guild Hidan back to the edge of the fire where a small although very enthusiastically given canteen of water lay by Harry's previous seat. Shifting his grip to the silver haired man's shoulders, Harry used a firm amount of pressure to push Hidan into sitting in his spot. He took a moment, all the while steadfastly ignoring the look Harry was being sent by the seated man, to consider the somewhat frayed edge of his cloak. After judging the best place, Harry ripped out a long, palm width strip of fabric and laid it in a small pile on Hidan's knee. The man stilled, barely daring to breath as he watched Harry intently.

The water bottle was hoisted above the fire, high enough not to catch but still allow the water it held to be heated. The few moments it took for the water to heat were some of the most awkward of Harry's entire life. But heat the water did, and Harry carefully moved it from the fire and crouched before the seated man, said man's wide almost child-like violet eyes never leaving Harry's face. If those were the eyes of a child, then he was a pedophile. Despite the somewhat disturbing god worship and the fact that Hidan was without a doubt ape shit insane, Harry still had to admit he found his current traveling companion very attractive. He glanced up at the man, intending to analyze him for a moment only to be meet with a too intent purple stare.

Harry used the excuse of opening and holding the still heated canteen with the edge of his ripped cloak as an excuse to look away and resisted the urge to shudder. He'd be very very attractive if it weren't for the crazy.

Using one hand to hold the steaming water, Harry pulled Hidan's injured arm to rest across his own lap (not that the man really resisted) and pushed the damaged sleeve of the man's cloak to his elbow. Green eyes darted up to meet purple and Harry hesitated, trying to draw up an appropriate way to warn Hidan of the intense pain sure to follow. He thought of none and hoped that his hesitation was enough before slipping his somewhat smaller, smoother hand into Hidan's own calloused manus both to provide a sliver of comfort and to help hold the man's arm in place.

He mentally steeled himself before carefully pouring the scalding water generously over the wound, mentally hoping that the water was hot enough to both disinfect and somewhat cauterize the burn. Harry flinched a bit as the water rolled off Hidan's red and agitated forearm, onto his thighs but held himself steady until every drop had been poured over the burn. Breathing slowly through his mouth the dark haired former wizard dropped the now empty water sack and grabbed the makeshift gauze, which he belatedly realized he should have disinfected as well, and wrapped it firmly and quickly around the other man's arm.

Not once did Hidan move or even barely twitch. Again Harry steeled himself, this time against the perhaps disturbing image his fellow would likely make, having not once reacted to what was surely a very painful experience. He looked upwards at the silver haired man, trying to be as subtle as possible.

Hidan was staring unblinkingly at their joined hands, laid together to rest as they were rather high on Harry's right thigh. Harry was of half a mind to think Hidan wasn't even aware that a body was connected to either of the hands until, with a soft 'huh'ing noise reminiscent of something small - perhaps a pixie or something - being punched in its tiny gut, Hidan drug up his wide eyed purple gaze to meet Harry's eyes straight on for the first time.

The look in the larger man's eyes was frighteningly akin to that of a teen girl, head over heels love sick with some music star: loving, of coarse, a nearly stalker-obsession level of it; a pinch of uncertainty or perhaps self doubt; and most terrifying for the one on the receiving end, a look of such complete and utter determination that there was little doubt that 'she' would get what she desired.

Oh lord, what had he done?

* * *

A.N:

So... about the word manus. I didn't want to used hand again in that context and all the other words for I hand I could think just... didn't fit. I mean come on, paw? That just brings to mind animals or furries and that was not the imagery I wanted here so yeah... now Hidan has a manus. Yes that is a word, by the way.

Also, I don't actually know what burned human flesh smelled like but cannibals have described the taste as human flesh as being closest in the common taste bank to chicken so I figures if we taste a bit like chicken, maybe we smell like chicken too?

Ah~ I do find it odd writing Hidan again though -lol. I need to get used to every other word being fucking when I'm writing in his point of view again. Not as long as I had hoped for, but this felt like the right place to end the chapter. :3 Next chapter will be longer, I promise. And you won't have to wait nearly two years for it! lol.

Ah for the time frame for this (forgive me if this a bit off, I haven't read Naruto in... almost two years. If I get it wrong, please lemme know), it's set after Sasuke left Konoha but before he kills Orochimaru and forms team Hebi, although said events will likely be part of the story. Obviously this is after Hidan joins the akastuki and after Gaara's demon is removed, but before Hidan kills Asuma.

Anywho~ lol, I think Hidan just died and went to heaven... er... or wherever it is that Jashinists want to go, in an ideal afterlife. Um... a utopia of pain and sex dipped in chocolate?


	4. Chapter 4

**A.N: **Penis. More after the chapter.

* * *

The ground beneath his body was warm, far warmer than what seemed natural given the circumstances and for a moment Harry wondered what could cause such a thing.

Then he felt the large hand laid gently (but still unmistakably there) on his lower back through the fabric of his borrowed makeshift blanket, the touch ever so so light as if the man giving it was afraid to initiate it.

The dark haired man froze for a moment, mentally calculating the worth of knowing what it was that Hidan wanted against his desire to forget that this entire situation existed even if it would only be for the few scant hours of sleep he could manage. The slight heat of a nearby body encompassed most of his back and a soft, damp breathe brushed his ear – thoroughly destroying any chances Harry had of simply ignoring it as his mental alarms screamed 'TOO CLOSE, TOO CLOSE, TOO FUCKING CLOSE' in a voice that sounded far too similar to Sirius' wailing screams after the twins had cursed the man to look like Snape for a week. He withheld all temptation to shudder and scooted his body just far enough forward that the other man was no longer touching him before peeking over his shoulder.

Sure enough, there lay Hidan – his pale pale skin and flaxen hair almost luminescent in the light of the half full moon that peeked here and there through the thick treetops. Green eyes considered him curiously for half a moment, nothing more than a fleeting second, before Harry fixed the hardest look he could manage on his face, half hoping that the look in combination with the other man's 'god' worship would push the other back.

It did not.

Although, Hidan did sit up on his elbows before chattering off something in the language Harry couldn't even begin to decipher. Harry rolled over to lessen the strain on his neck and fixed his eyes steadfastly on the other man's, mentally pinching himself for the flickered look to the pale man's scared chest.

'Why isn't he wearing a shirt?' was his first thought, followed shortly by 'Why does he have some many scars?' Indeed, the other man's admittedly nice torso (crazy though he was, he at least wasn't hard on the eyes. Crazy ugly people, were in Harry's opinion, the worst sort and he was half glad that his obsessed stalker-esc companion was good looking, at least this way his pride wasn't entirely shot by having someone hideous behaving so) was littered in scars. The deepest of the them all reminded him of the very symbol tattooed onto his own chest, the deathly hollows symbol. Harry held his own fingertips back from tracing the symbol, goose-pimples raising on his arms.

That particular scar was self-inflected.

Hidan tittered a bit again, obviously asking him something although Harry would probably never know what, and Harry's eyes were drawn up to meet the almost desperate loving look in the purple irises of his companion. Often times Harry had wondered how, exactly, eyes could convey emotion. He'd been told vehemently and often that his eyes always told what he was thinking (most often during his failed attempts at lying) and the comments had always left him wondering. He'd never noticed another person's eyes conveying anything unless they were red which was of course a tell tale sign that the owner was a) sad, b) tired, c) Voldemort, or d) high.

Hidan's eyes, however, were for lack of a less cliched phrase windows into his very soul. Or perhaps his very mind as Harry was beginning to suspect that the silver haired man had neither heart nor soul. Although considering that the taller man had in fact set his own flesh aflame without even noticing earlier that very day, mind was a bit of a stretch as well.

Regardless, the other man's very violet eyes always showed his exact emotions so clearly that even a complete strange such as himself could easily read them. It was due to this very open look of Hidan's eyes that Harry currently felt that perhaps running far, far away was the best decision at the moment. Hidan's eyes at that very moment, held the same look as that crazed girl back at Hogwarts had as she gave him a box of love potion-laced chocolates (Romilia? Ronda? Vain?). The expression was that of desperation, worship, and an almost twisted love all of which were magnified by the vibrant color of the man's eyes and the silvery light of the moon.

Or perhaps these feeling were simply that much stronger in Hidan. Harry made a quick mental note to pay very close attention to any food or drink he received on the off chance that this particular world had its own variant of a love potion as such a thing would surly find it's way into his system by way of the man before him.

Fingertips, cold and insistent, pressed lightly against Harry's shoulder through the black and red cloak lent to him by the very person touching him now and Harry felt a moment of regret at accepting it as Hidan _**surely**_ read far too into himself swathed in the thing before he snapped green eyes back to Hidan's face rather than just the man's eyes. He swallowed, tracing the line of Hidan's jaw to avoid the man's eyes and nodded quickly to show he was paying attention, not the it would do much good.

Hidan's jaw moved slowly as he spoke, words slow and steady as if a slower pace would somehow translate the words into a language Harry understood. He caught one word he understood, taught to him during a quick lesson given by the monstrously large man Kakazu while Hidan had been enthusiastically searching out a source of water to refill Harry's canteen. Happy - the word sprang to mind attached to the strangely hilarious image of Kakazu smiling, looking for all the world more alike Freddy Kroger than a happy individual. This word, paired with the purposefully exaggerated questioning sound of Hidan's speech, allowed for a leap of logic leading Harry to believe that Hidan was asking him if he was happy.

Was he happy?

The immediate answer was a resounding no, but Harry withheld the urge to shake his head no until he was dizzy, considering the question for a moment instead. Was he happy? He was stranded in a strange world without magic, without a way to protect himself, without friends, and without even an understanding of the language of the world he was now in. Again, his mind begged him to say no no no no. Yet~ yet he had immediately found himself attached to Hidan and Kakazu, and Harry was entirely sure that it would be a cold day in hell before Hidan allowed anyone to so much as touch him, let alone harm him. So, he supposed, he wasn't entirely without friends (even if they were, as previously established, batshite insane) and with said friends came a sort of safety, at least from outside sources. Harry was entirely dependent on Kakazu when it came to protecting him from Hidan however.

Even with Hidan's numerous and unwanted advances and Kakazu's often times disturbingly calculating gaze (what was that man thinking of when he had such a look? Harry wasn't entirely sure he really wanted to know.), the two men were leading him to what he hoped was a chance to learn the language and possibly gain a form of protection independent of Hidan's obsessive tendencies, which if Harry understood Kakazu's awkwardly mimed messages was quite close by.

So, really, was that bad off? Couldn't things be so much worse?

Harry nodded slowly, hesitant. Hidan's returning smile was almost worth what would surely be a disturbing increase in his 'love' for Harry, even if said smile was overly toothy and something homicidal looking. Harry sighed, abandoning all hope of a few more hours of rest from what was the single longest day of his life as he sat up.

The cloak poled in his lap in a pile of warm fabric and Harry considered it before grasping the still warm garment and offering it back to Hidan. The man hesitantly received it, looking on the brink of a pout as Harry pulled his own cloak from where if had been serving as a pillow to place it back on his shoulders.

His button up was wrinkled beyond description, his hair mussy, and he was beginning to gain a light stench of sweat but Harry felt passable for the time being, especially considering that there was no way in hell he would strip to bathe with Hidan within a mile's radius which of course severally limited his grooming options.

He glanced around the small clearing the three of them had claimed as the sun set the day before, seeing that despite the fact that there was surely another two or three hours until the sun rose again Kakazu was already up and resting lazily against the thick trunk of a tree far older than any Harry had ever seen before while perusing a scroll of some sort, the site mostly cleaned up. The third member of their party looked up from his reading to meet Harry's gaze, judging the smaller man for a moment before jerking his head in the direction they were heading in question.

Harry paused, half hoping he could rest his overly tired body just a tiny bit more although he realistically knew he wouldn't be able to get back to sleep now that he was awake. Unhappily, he nodded and Kakazu nodded in response as he rolled his scroll and rose in with almost military precision.

Kakazu was not, Harry found, one for superfluous action. Everything he did was done with the sort of precision meant solely to spend only the most absolute amount of time and energy needed. It was admirable in a way and reminded Harry sharply of a half Mad Eye half Shacklebolt hybrid, both of whom Harry had admired in his own way. It was a similarity to the precious people he had long since lost and helped to make Harry just that tiny bit more comfortable.

He spared the obscenely tall man a half smile as he stumbled awkwardly to his feet. Behind him Hidan huffed, standing as well all the while glaring so sharply that Harry needn't turn to know that if looks could kill Kakazu's flesh would be curling off in strips as his muscles ripped themselves apart and his blood boiled.

Harry was half tempted to face-palm.

He turned to give Hidan a reproachful look, scanning his mind for the few words Kakazu had taught him the day before so he may explain as best he could why he had dared to smile at Kakazu. More like why Kakazu had dared to cause Harry to smile at him if Hidan's glare was anything to go by. He sighed to himself before settling on one word. Aniki. If he understood Kakazu's badly drawn figures (which had frankly made him want to laugh, although he had refrained as best as he could. Kakazu's annoyed glances begged that the other man still knew his thoughts.) it meant big brother. While not entirely right, it was the closest Harry could scrounge up.

"He reminds me," Harry started slowly, knowing all the words spoken in English were entirely useless yet still feeling the need to speak them. "He reminds me of my aniki."

Hidan's gaze snapped to him and Harry caught what he thought was half a smirk pass fleetingly over Kakazu's mostly covered face before it was gone.

Without speaking on it they all began to head in the direction of Orochimaru's camp, Harry trailing behind the two others - both of whom bore packs that Hidan had quite obviously forbidden him from helping with.

Hidan continuously flicked his eyes between Kakazu and Harry as they walked at a steady pace. After what felt like an eternity but was in fact no more than a minute or so, Hidan snapped out something that was both questioning and somewhat almost _jealous_ sounding. Again Harry only understood a single word, this time aniki. Kakazu, who apparently had glimpsed what Harry had been attempting to say, nodded to confirm something while he snapped back at Hidan what was obviously an insult.

Harry felt lost.

Choosing not to focus on it, Harry pulled ahead of the other two to leave them to their insult match heading in what he hope was the right direction.

It wasn't long before Harry felt _something_ tickling at the edges of his senses. He came to an abrupt stop, Kakazu following suit behind him. Harry snapped out with razor sharp reflexes, grabbing the oblivious Hidan by the back of his half open cloak and jerking him back with strength neither of the larger men would have expected from him just before Hidan would've passed through the invisible barrier of _something_.

Harry stared down at the forest floor, seeing nothing out of place and yet still knowing, still feeling that, there was _something. _

"Are we close?" the green eyes man asked.

Kakazu made a noise in the back of his throat, a sort of huh'ing sound and did not answer otherwise.

Frowning, Harry turned sideways so he could look at Kakazu from the corner of his eye while keeping his focus mainly on the invisible wall he knew was there. He held his hands about a foot apart and slowly closed the distance while saying, "Are we close?"

"Chikai," Hidan supplied, apparently catching his meaning.

Kakazu shifted slightly, nodding and turning his attention on the space Harry was watching intently. His eyes, also far more expressive than Harry remembered anyone from home's being.

"There's a..." Harry turned back to face the space, putting both his hands out in front of him, palm out. He moved them upwards, trying to indict a solid underneath them.

"Kabe?" Hidan suggested, moving to stand closer to Harry's side under the pretense of more closely observing the area, although considering the _something_ was entirely invisible, Harry had his doubts about the man's actual motives.

Kakazu shook his head slowly, stepping up to be just behind Harry – also to 'observe'. Hidan bristled and shifted ever so slightly closer, Kakazu's eyes held a brief look of satisfaction before blanking again, and Harry again felt the need to face-palm. Really?

"Shoogai." Kakazu murmured. "Wana-" he continued and Hidan's eyes grew hard as he snapped his eyes to glare at the space.

Harry took a slow step forward, then another to come right at the edge of the force. He raised a hand, brushing fingertips ever so lightly over the cold surface he couldn't see. It sent shivers up and down his spine.

"It'll alert him, he'll be watching us." Harry murmured, more to himself then his un-understanding companions.

He was uncomfortably reminded of Voldemort. The barrier of sorts wouldn't stop them from getting in, it would just alert this Orochimaru person as their presence. He would be watching them make their way through whatever trap and ward he'd set, like a snake watching trapped mice.

More than anything, Harry wanted to turn around and leave.

Hidan touched his shoulder briefly, squeezing it slightly in a motion that was far more comforting that it should have been considering just what sort of person the silver haired man was and forged his was through the invisible barrier. Harry could feel it ripple, could feel the signal if sent out and it made his goose pimples return tenfold.

He took a breath, squaring his shoulders, before stepping through as well with Kakazu close behind. The feeling of the ward flowing over his skin was cold enough to leave Harry shivering.

He could feel the eyes, staring down at him with a strangely intent feeling. If he had to describe the feeling, the... almost intent of the gaze, he'd say it was hungry. Incredibly, insatiably hungry and if he was at all honest at least with himself Harry had to admit it was this feeling and not the cold of the ward sweeping over him that continued his slight shivers, even after Hidan had slung his own black and red cloak about Harry's shoulders with a vaguely possessive look about his eyes.

****

**Omake**

Kakazu considered the dark haired almost-man that had fallen from the sky with steady eyes.

Somewhat small for a man, about 170 centimeters maybe, and quite slim. 60,000 ryou.

Black hair, not quite what he'd refer to a long, but possibly long enough that he wouldn't be surprised if the boy-man was the head of whatever clan he was a part of, and _curly_. Curly was good. 100,000 ryou.

Pale skin, although he had both a scar and a large tattoo. 110,000 ryou.

The boy had a pretty, feline face. Pairing that with the curly mane of hair and the image of a cat – a lion – was nearly unavoidable. Worked properly, with the proper clothes this image could be played up quite a bit. Good, good, very good. 210,000 ryou.

Green eyes. Big, almond shaped eyes surrounded by somewhat thick lashes, for a man at least. And green. So very, very green. 650,000 ryou, easy. Maybe over a million with the right crowd.

This boy could easily fetch a hefty sum on the slave trade market, despite being obviously unbroken – some would like that better. Kakazu's true concern was not, in fact, how much he could put the boy up for, but rather if it was truly cost effective to put the effort into fighting the idiot Hidan (who already had strange stars in his most often homicidal eyes) for the right to put the boy up and stopping said idiot from slaying all the bidders in a bloodbath of what would surely be epic proportions.

For a moment, Kakazu thought, yes – it would be. Then Hidan dropped to his knees, bowing lower to the lion boy the he'd ever seen the damnable idiot bow ever before, quickly muttering the very same chant the silver haired man did during every single one of his sacrifices to his god.

Well fuck- no.

There wasn't a damn thing on the planet worth opposing Hidan now, not even this pretty little lion. How unfortunate, Kakazu thought as he watched the lion boy fumble slightly now that his short fight was over, obviously out of his element, the lion would have made such a nice profit too~

* * *

**A.N: **_Huh, that was a longer wait than I had intended. Ah~ at least it wasn't two years, ja? Lol- sorry about that, I've been a tad caught up working on my Doll cosplay for my Noah's Ark Circus group for Ax. I was getting very agitated, that dress is not made for busty girl oh no~ and I'm a G cup so... yeah. it was a pain in the ass. Also, I am offically 20! *A* I'm not sure how I feel about that. My b-day is Valentine's day too so I got alot of chocolate. BD Made me happy. _

_Anywho~ to the people who left constructive critism- Thank you! I love it when people leave constructive stuff. Also, Yeah, I should have done the manus thing differently. It's just a pet peeve of mine, I hate using the same word twice in close junction with each other. I hate starting sentences with and too~ Lol, yeah - I know some *coughmostcough* of my sentences are obscenely long. When I was first starting out writing (I was a whopping 9) a teacher of mine told me I was a terrible writer and that I could never be a good author because of my natural habit of writing long overly detailed sentences. So, it is actually my natural inclaination to write like that - I just don't check it as a way to kick the teacher in the nads. Who tells a child they'll never suceed at what they love? Asshole~_

_But, onto the chapter stuff! No Hidan point of view this time, but he'll have an entire chapter to himself either next chapter or the one after. And the Kakazu omake is a little treat for all of you who asked for a bit from his point of view. I can't say if there'll be a chapter from his point of view because I haven't gotten that far yet but here - have a cookie! Well, that's all for now lovies! Check out my new crossover drabble set if you wanna~ it's inspired by the 'If wishes were~' drabble sets that are oh so vougue right now. _


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